How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
