the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
