Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
