I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
