Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
