somebody snuck up and got me drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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