Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
