Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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