Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
