No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
