Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
