She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
