Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
