i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
