How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
