Your tits are I can't wait for
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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