he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
