New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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