just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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