who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
