not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope mine doesn't look like that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
