I will die if light touches me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
