i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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