Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we're so committed to being not committed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
