If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
