dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
