just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
