Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize