i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
