Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
