either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
