I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize