i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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