Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
