I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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