The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
