He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
