I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
