My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
