Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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