I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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