I feel great
I just peed on a car
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
