Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
