He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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