The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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