PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
