____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
