Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
