I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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