i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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