So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
