don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
