so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
