Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
