just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
