bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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