upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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