Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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