Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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