Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
