i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize