I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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