I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
