I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
