now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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